Starting this blog is a God-inspired thing. I know He wants me to tell my story. It’s been so impressed on my heart for so long that its been constantly on my mind. I’d go to bed thinking about it, I’d wake up thinking about it. I’d think about it even during the day. Then I get these coincidental messages lately (and those who know me know I don’t believe in coincidences, but God-incidences,) telling me, “It’s time to write your story,” “It’s time to tell your story.” Even a writer I admire said the same thing to me on Facebook regarding the ‘telling your story’ thing, she said, “It’s time.” And it is.
It’s been a long journey of pain and hurt and self-discovery. It’s also been an arduous journey of tearing down lies I thought were truth and then replacing them with real truth. It’s like opening up a box of darkness – once opened, light shines into it, exposing its contents. That’s what God has done with me – He’s opened my eyes so I could see clearly what was in the darkness of my life, in my thinking, in my soul.
I do not write to smear family of origin. It’s not my intent. Their names will not be mentioned. It is simply my journey in overcoming, in healing, in learning what love really looks like and sharing what I learned along the way, things that made me a better mother, a better wife … even a better woman than what I was before.
This kind of abuse, a form of emotional and psychological abuse by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is very insidious. It’s secret. It’s very toxic. I share my experiences because up until four years ago I thought I was the only one. Since then, I have met so, so many other hurting, soul-shredded women who have endured the same abuse by their mother or even their fathers. I write that they might relate and know that they are not alone. It took me to finally not be afraid of rejection (when in reality I already had been rejected) and confess the abuse to my family of origin before God showed me the full extent of what kind of abuse it was. I share my experiences so that they know that they too are not alone.
I am no longer bitter or angry or even frustrated with how things are. I am moving on. I am embracing this life that God has given. I made a promise to Him many years ago. I pleaded with Him, “If you can save my soul, I am here for Your use alone.” I do believe this is what He wants me to do.
Healing from this kind of pain is not easy. It can be arduous, difficult, even frustrating … but there is hope. There will be setbacks and times when you want to give up. Don’t. Brighter days are ahead. They are coming. I promise.
~ Saoirse Quill