A Pen Name

Narcissistic abuse … and more pointedly, abuse by someone exhibiting Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is dark.  It’s insidious.  Even diabolical … which makes it insanely painful.  There is a lot of smearing and false accusations where truth is hard prove.

who you really are

The narcissistic family that is ruled by the narcissist parent, in my case, its my mother, is the one who also rules and controls the family as a whole, on a level many cannot even begin to fathom.  Although, thinking back and remembering things, I think my father too might have also been narcissistic, but he was never around a lot while I was growing up for me to really nail down that judgment.  Anyway, the ones who kowtow to the narcissist are known as their enablers and they will stand up and defend the narcissist, who plays the victim while vilifying the true victim, which she claims is the abusive one.  It’s sick and it’s twisted.  It’s all a ‘she said/she said’ thing between a mother and a daughter.

Because of the dynamic of the narcissistic family, I have opted for a ‘pen name’ for this blog and for the book I am writing which I hope to publish … God willing.  My pen name is … Saoirse Quill.   I was praying while scrolling Pinterest, asking the Lord to reveal to me what name I should use and, then I saw it – ‘Saoirse‘ – the name is Irish (my heritage) and it means freedom.  I needed a last name and what surname is more appropriate than ‘Quill‘ – a writing tool?!  I needed a name to not only protect myself from any unwanted backlash, but also to protect myself from a legal standpoint.  Doing this also gives me more freedom to be more transparent both on my blog and in the book I am writing about my life story – growing up in a narcissistic family with a narcissistic (NPD) mother and her brood of enablers (who unbenownst to them are, sadly, more like puppets on a string), and how God rescued me out of that.

I hope to post more in the future about more intimate things regarding narcissistic abuse and the dynamic of the narcissistic family.

~ Saoirse Quill

How to pronounce ‘Saoirse’:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOdLTAgeuuk

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4 thoughts on “A Pen Name

  1. Sounds like a good idea! I was a member of an online NPD group and some of the people on there–mainly the moderator were some of the sickest people I have ever met!! They were very destructive. I think that you need to protect yourself.
    Your post brings up a good point. I wonder about things like: do Ns marry one another; how does one marital partner who is N effect the mate and children; what do the children learn by being an offspring of an N–watching the parents relate to one another, etc. I do believe that Ns marry one another–for some it may be simply that they relate to arrogance, pride, manipulation–either they desire for someone else to be the power broker; or they admire it; or are familiar with it–and thereby attracted to it.
    My husband is doing research on the spirits of Jezebel and Ahab. He says that every Jezebel has an Ahab. But Ahab was not an innocent personality. He is more passive and prefers to allow Jezebel to do the dirty work–and she does enjoy it because it gives her power and control. Together they have a power structure and each of them contribute to it.
    Going back to my other point about Ns marrying one another–I believe that innocent people also marry Ns and they are their victims. But it could be that some are miserable and others do whatever they must do to survive–even if it means compromising themselves.

    1. I’ve wondered all that same stuff too. I even wonder if NPD isn’t more a demonic influence than a disorder. And yes, there are narcissists that marry narcissists – but then like you say, there are some who marry narcissists who aren’t. It sure raises a lot of questions. I do think that narcissists who marry each other seem to sadistically feed off of each other. It’s like they enjoy misery and take joy in causing each other misery – which creates drama – oh, the ‘fun’ of Narcissistic families!

      I have heard this thing about this Jezebel spirit thing too – I don’t know much about it myself. I guess I should read up on it. 🙂

      1. Larry and I consider the Jezebel and Ahab spirits to be the spiritual definition of these particular character disorders. There is a lot of information out there in books and online about this spirit. Most of it is in agreement with one another. This would most definitely be termed a demonic influence or possession. After I do a little foray into the teaching I run into the Father’s arms for a washing from the Holy Spirit!!

    2. I am so sorry in my late reply – I think I have replied and then I see that I never did. Please accept my apologies. I have heard about this Jezebel spirit – very curious. And yes, I often think too that narcissists do marry each other because if they grew up in a narcissistic family unit, it makes sense that being with another narcissist would feel comfortable and familiar even though it’s insanely toxic.

      I do suspect my father was/is also narcissistic, but I am not sure he is as high on the spectrum of disorder as my mother who is a full out malignant narcissist, in my opinion.

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